Today my apple was a Glamour model called Titsy Bapples. Her hobbies included getting her boobs out, sleeping with footballers and selling her story to tacky tabloid newspapers who, for some reason, still seem surprised when a footballer has an affair with a glamour model. Her last words were, “I demand the right to entrap men and then make money from their suffering and the suffering of their families!” She tasted like a nasty, selfish and above all boring person. Why the papers have bothered reporting her sordid little life I can’t imagine.

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