Today my apple was a person who was permanently happy called Joyful Stephen Apple. His hobbies included smiling, looking on the bright side and thinking about bunnies. His last words were, “The cup seems to be half full to me.” To which I replied, “Yes, half full of acid.” To be honest, he was a lovely apple, caring and kind – I just couldn’t cope with his constant cheerfulness so I ate him while Alex watched and cheered. He tasted like a rainbow.

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