Today my apple was a giant green monster called the Incredible Happle. His hobbies included Hulk smashing things, turning green and wearing tiny ripped trousers. His last words were, “You won’t like me when I’m angry!'” Despite this we got along really well and I did like him when he was angry. We talked about politics, philosophy and our joint passion for antique ornithoid figurines. Eventually I ate his face off anyway wondering if he was wearing lipstick or if those were his gums. He tasted like lime chewits.