Today my apple was a glittery vampire called Edward Apple. His hobbies included watching girls sleep, stalking girls and sparkling like a fairy. His last words were, “It would be more… prudent for you not to be my friend. But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella.” After I admitted that I had only dressed up as the grumpy and self absorbed Bella in order to trap him and eat him Edward Apple admitted he was actually really creepy and that he often masturbated while he watched Bella sleep. I never really understood the appeal of him to be honest. He tasted exactly like you’d expect a 100 year old man who is interested in 17 year old girls to taste.

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