Today my apple was an invisible scientist called Griffin Apple. His hobbies included wearing bandages, unleashing a reign of terror and airsoft. His last words were, ” I knew you’d come for me, Flora. I wanted to come back to you… my darling. I failed. I meddled in things that man must leave alone.” He was obviously confused. I suddenly realised that in order for him to be invisible he must be naked which made me wish I wasn’t holding him in my hand by the buttocks. He tasted like novella published in 1897 and then be made into a film in 1933, which is a weird thing to taste like. He also failed to fill me up, leaving me hungry and annoyed. I think I’ll start buying my own apples from now on otherwise I may starve to death.

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