Today my apple was a recently widowed lady called Demi Mooreapple. Her hobbies included missing her husband, having sex with ghosts next to her pottery wheel and getting her hair cut like a 12 year old boy. Before I ate her I told her I loved her and in reply she said, “Ditto.” Which made me feel much less guilty about chewing on her while she was alive. Bitch. She tasted like The Unchained Melody which surprised me as it is a song.

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