Today my apple was a rich ‘it’ girl called Peaches Hilton. Her hobbies included being famous without ever actually having done anything, spending outrageous amounts of money and accidentally releasing personal sex videos on the internet. Her last words were, “I just want to be a serious actress and if that means I have to get my tits out then so be it.” She was a selfish and unpleasant person who didn’t seem bothered that her socks cost more than most people earn in a year. She tasted delicious, like a peach – probably because she was a peach. Unfortunately that didn’t make up for her empty soul and snotty nature.

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