Today my apple was a lawman from the future who is judge, jury and executioner called Judge PlumDredd. His hobbies included upholding the law in Mega City One, hunting down perps and being a bit like Clint Eastwood. His last words were, “I am the Law.” This was slightly less impressive than you would think as shortly before he had admitted to me that he hasn’t taken his helmet off for the last 30 years because he accidentally super glued it to his ears. He tasted like a Dirty Harry and scones.

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