Today my apple was a Robotic Alien Called Optimus PrimeApple. His hobbies included disguising himself as a big truck, fighting his evil nemesis Megatron and philately. His last words were, “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.” I wasn’t sure if he included himself in that because he was an apple. I ate him anyway and just before he died he produced a sword. A sword! A robot apple with a sword?!? I was mightily impressed. He tasted like the childhood I missed out on because I was watching Ghostbusters.

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