Today my apple was a powerful Jedi called Yapple. His hobbies included teaching people (who constantly turn to the dark side) the way of the force, living in a swamp and yodelling. His last words were, “Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is.” to which I replied, “What on earth are you talking about? Where did you learn English, because your syntax is all wrong.” He tasted like a latex puppet who has spent hours with the arm of a movie legend up it’s bum.

It’s Star Wars week here at AOD. To celebrate the fact I no longer feel sick when I think of The Phantom Menace we’re doing a Star Wars themed character every day this week. And we’d like you to tell us what characters you’d like to see as an apple. The winner will not only get to see their chosen character in apple form but they’ll also get a signed picture of a hairy goat called Bumface.