Today my apple was a Dark Sith Apprentice called Darth Maulberry. His hobbies included lightsaber combat, hunting down and killing Jedi Knights and cosplay. His favourite character to dress up as was Nene from Bubblegum Crisis. His last words were, “At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge!” after saying this he promptly exposed his genitalia. Quite why he was so keen to show this to Liam Neeson I’ll never know. He tasted like a strawberry, which is strange because he was definitely an apple.

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