Today my apple was an intergalactic crime lord called Japple the Hut. His hobbies included throwing slave girls in a pitt with a giant monster, feeding people to sarlacc and pony trekking. His last words were, “See fah luto eetheen, ee yaba ma dukey massa. Eeth wong che coh pa na-geen, nah meeto toe bunky dunko. Lo choda!” which I completely ignored because I couldn’t stop staring at his newest slave girl who was wearing this really fetching gold bikini. He tasted like slugs and coleslaw.

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