Today my apple was a talking lion from Narnia called Aslapple. His hobbies included defeating the white witch, being strangely similar to a religious figure and chasing mice. His last words were, “I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.” I have to admit, it was a good try on his part to convert me to Christianity through a children’s story, but to be honest, I’m more likely to believe that there is a talking lion wandering around a magical world that I can get to through my wardrobe than I am to believe there was a man who was born of a virgin woman and then came back from the dead and didn’t even try to eat anyones brain. He tasted like cat food and pop tarts.

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