I also ate another apple today who was a shortsighted buffoon called Bambo Dickswad. His hobbies included rioting, violence and destroying not only the homes and businesses of other people in his community, but also parts of the community he himself uses. He basically likes cutting off his own nose and then complaining that he doesn’t have a nose… although by this point he calls it a ‘dose’. His last words were, “Last night was great – there was total anarchy. We were totally fighting the government and there was nothing they could do. Then today I thought I’d get a KFC and then realised I couldn’t because I burnt it down last night. To be honest I feel like a bit of a twat now.” I looked at this sad and idiotic apple and felt so angry that he weren’t able to see that he was hurting himself and his family as much as anyone. The disgusting devastation apples like him have caused has undoubtedly damaged the UKs fruit tourism industry, the fruit councils will have to fork out thousands to pay for the damage that they will have otherwise been able to spend on bettering the fruit community. These silly apples will have to wander around a burnt out and damaged neighbourhood wondering why they live in such a shit hole, whilst the lives of local pears and raspberries have been ruined by their thoughtless and selfish actions. He tasted like moron flavoured sick.

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