Today my apple was a big, ugly ogre called Shrapple. His hobbies included wallowing around in a swamp, hanging out with an irritating donkey and rescuing princesses that turn out to also be ogres. His last words were, “That’ll do, Donkey. That’ll do.” I imagine that was in reference to the fact that I was dressed as a pantomime horse at the time. Don’t judge me – it just feels comfortable so I wear it around the house sometimes. He tasted like a bogies and caramel.

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