Today my apple was an awesome wizard called Gappledolf the Grey. His hobbies included casting spells, defending middle earth and yoga. His last words were, “You shall not pass! ” he then banged his staff and we feel down this huge hole into the ground, fighting all the way down before eventually landing in a massive pool of water. When we got out of the pool of water all of his clothes had magically turned to white. “Wow,” he said, “I didn’t realise how fucking dirty these were – I should have had them dry cleaned ages ago.” He tasted like an old mans beard sprinkled with elderfower.

Congratulations to Penelope Hall who is the winner of our Lord of the Rings Apple of the day competition. An erotic photograph of some Brussel Sprouts is on it’s way to you now.