Today my apple was a nice girl called Alejandra Viejo Lopez de Apple. Her hobbies included being lovely all the time, smiling and fattening me up by feeding me as much chocolate and biscuits as she possibly can. Her last words were, “Would you like to try this new and delicious type of mega-fat biscuit?” Despite her making me put on 16 stone, it’s really difficult to find fault with this friendly and warm apple, particularly as she actually provides my daily apple (although that also means that it’s her own fault that she is an orange). She tasted like lovely Spanish Tapas that makes you fat but it’s worth it

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