Today my apple was an undead creature called Frankenstapple. His hobbies included being raised from the dead, being chased by angry mobs and roller skating. His last words were, “Hunnuba burgh!” Which, I think was his way of saying, “Young man, there’s no need to feel down. I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground. I said, young man, ’cause you’re in a new town. There’s no need to be unhappy.” The most interesting thing about this apple though was that it bore an uncanny resemblance to the creature created by the scientist Frankenstein in Mary Shelly’s book, but the scientist that made this fruity creation was called Bumbo Titswod. He tasted like Mint Choc Chip ice cream with mustard.

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