Today my apple was a miserable apple called Tumbleton Fudsworth. His hobbies included going back to work after a nice relaxing holiday, that sinking feeling you get when going back to work after a nice relaxing holiday – when you realise you have to get out of your nice, warm comfortable bed and go out into the cold, wet real world and karaoke. His last words were, “I didn’t used to mind going to work, but having a few days off has just shown me how much I like doing nothing and sitting on my arse all day. I wish I could stay at home forever.” He tasted like post holiday blues.

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