Today my apple was one of those really stupid apples that you can’t believe can remember to breathe with their tiny little brain. He was called Tungfoon Shizzlesmith. His hobbies included being irrational, ignoring logic and doing things so completely idiotic that he ruins not only his own day, but the days of everyone around him. His last words were, “I’m going to miss my deadline by three hours but I won’t tell anyone.” He tasted like an apple whose very existence disproves the theory of survival of the fittest.

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