Today my apple was the Moon. His hobbies included floating around the Earth, having astronauts over for tea and beat boxing. His last words were, “When you are the moon, the best form you can be is a full moon. And then the half moon… he’s all right. But the full moon is the famous moon. And then three-quarters, eh, no one gives a shit about him. When does he come, two days in, to the calendar month? He’s useless. Full moon. The moon. The main moon.” He tasted like cheese and comedy genius.

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