Today my apple was the Roman General Mapplimus Decimus Meridius. His hobbies included fighting wars, battling as a gladiator in the arena and chinese checkers. His last words were, “My name is Mapplimus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurapplius. Father to a murdered apple, husband to a murdered wapple. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” He tasted like chocolate flavoured pasta.

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