Today my apple was the Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise called Captain Japple T. Kirk. His hobbies included exploring strange new worlds, seeking out new life and new civilisations and bodly going where no man has gone before. His last words were, “Captain’s log: Stardate 5683.1. We’re making a rendezvous with the Vedala asteroid on a unique mission. The Vedala are the oldest space-faring race we know. They say something incredibly dangerous to the safety of our galaxy is developing and they have sent for selected specialists including Spock and myself.” He tasted like spicy chicken wings and bum flavoured chutney.

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