Today my apple was one of those gormless idiots who reads the paper as they walk along. His name was Dumbleburt Spoontulniff. His hobbies included getting in peoples way, walking into things and wondering why he can’t see where he is going even though he is reading a paper. His last words were, “This is worrying news about the economy. Oh dear, I seem to have fallen down a manhole.” He tasted like spud flavoured dinkleweed.

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