Today my apple was one of those sickly people who gets the train who you should feel sympathetic towards but you actually hate them for bringing their germs near you. His name was Sicko Bungtum. His hobbies included sneezing, coughing and looking terrible. His last words were, “I have to go to work even though I am unwell because they can’t cope without me.” He tasted poorly which made me wish I’d been more sympathetic.

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